Battlefield of the Heart Read online

  “Okay. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me.”

  She ended the call and felt a little more hopeful as she rejoined her friends. Alan might not have given her a way to find her boyfriend, but he’d certainly provided her with the moral support she needed to help Danny the next time she saw him.

  ****

  Cindy struggled through her sociology midterm Monday morning, her thoughts drifting to Danny with every other question. Where was he? Had he survived the weekend? Would she ever see him again? Her aching wrist was a constant reminder she couldn’t escape. She’d managed to get a little studying done after her friends left the night before, but this morning concentration was nothing more than a pipe dream. Hopefully, she’d given enough correct answers to pass. Her grades during the first half of the semester had been good enough that even if she barely passed the midterm she should still be able to pass the class.

  Concern filled Dr. Brixton’s features as she turned in her test at the end of class. “What happened to your arm?”

  “I broke my wrist Saturday.” She glanced down at the bandages immobilizing her wrist and prayed he wouldn’t ask how. “I’m supposed to get a cast put on in a little while.”

  “Not what you wanted to do during midterms, I’m sure.”

  She managed a small smile. “Yeah, but I’ll live. I’ll see you later.”

  Brixton stopped her as she headed to the door. “Cindy, try to remember to bring the outline for your term paper to my office this week. We can discuss any concerns you might have about it or anything you’re having trouble with.”

  She turned back to her professor and academic advisor, fighting to keep her emotions under control. He couldn’t help her with what was giving her trouble. “Is it okay if I bring it Friday? I still have a little more work to do on it.”

  “Sure. You know when my office hours are.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Brixton.”

  She left the classroom and headed out front. Ellen had promised to pick her up right after her class. Cindy hoped getting a cast wouldn’t take too long. She still had to go over her history paper one more time and write a reference page for it. Plus, she had three other midterms to study for.

  Tears filled her eyes. How could she worry about her grades when the man she loved had been missing since Saturday? She needed to know he was okay, needed to see him and assure herself he wasn’t hurt. But a tiny nugget of fear lodged itself in her mind. For all of her assurances to everyone that she understood he hadn’t intended to hurt her, she couldn’t help fearing that in some warped way he had meant it. Her brief time with an abusive boyfriend had left her more insecure than she’d realized.

  While she knew in her heart that Danny cared about her and wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose, her parents’ doubts Saturday had struck more deeply than she wanted to admit. What if they were right and it wasn’t just the PTSD? What if he was like the guy from when she was younger? Then again, if he was as innocent in all of this as she’d originally thought, was she crazy for continuing to date a man who could harm people without knowing what he did? She knew she couldn’t leave him forever, but she didn’t know if she was strong enough to deal with all of his problems. Not yet, anyway. Maybe once he’d become more stable.

  Father, rid me of these doubts! If it’s Your will that I continue to date Danny, show me. Help me to see the truth through the fog of confusion.

  A sense of peace washed through her, drowning the negative thoughts. She was strong enough to deal with Danny’s problems. The tension gripping her eased, and her breath came more easily. Like Alan had said, all she had to do was love Danny, and it would be enough. She could do that; she already loved him. But could he love her? Or anyone, for that matter? He’d mentioned not feeling anything, being like an empty shell — except with her. And that was what gave her hope. He’d told her she made him feel. If that could happen, surely he could love her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The ringing telephone interrupted Cindy as she proofread her history paper late Monday afternoon. Hope surged through her as she reached for the handset, tempered only slightly when she bumped her cast and sent a stab of pain through her arm. “Hello?”

  “Cindy Waymire?” the unfamiliar female voice asked.

  “Yes?” Fear replaced the hope, and she prayed the call held good news.

  “This is the New Castle Community Hospital Emergency Room. Daniel Flynn has you listed as his emergency contact.”

  Her surprise quickly blossomed into hope again, this time tinged with worry. “Does that mean he’s there?”

  “That’s right. He was brought in just a few minutes ago.”

  Thank You, Lord! “I’ll notify his parents that he’s been found.” Cindy hesitated, afraid to ask the next question but knowing she had to. “Is he injured?”

  “He’ll be okay,” the sympathetic voice said.

  That statement was far from comforting. “Okay, thank you.”

  She hung up then stared at the phone. He’ll be okay? Did that mean he wasn’t injured? Had he been horribly injured, but the nurse didn’t want to say so over the phone? Oh, Father, let him be all right.

  She called his parents, and a small smile touched her lips at the sound of his mom’s relieved voice. When Cindy called Josh, he promised to notify the other veterans and offered her a ride to the hospital, which she accepted. Then she called her own parents. Her mom sounded happy that Danny had been found and made Cindy promise to update them after she saw him.

  Cindy finally stood and shoved her cell phone in the pocket of her jeans. She wrote a quick note for her roommate then picked up her lanyard keychain and checked to be sure her ID was in the plastic case attached to it. As she moved to the door, she glanced at her fresh cast. How would Danny react to seeing it?

  It didn’t matter. He’d been found, and she was going to see him. Hopefully, he wouldn’t get too upset over her injury. She didn’t know what she’d do if he did. Take it one step at a time, she supposed, since she wouldn’t have any other option.

  She stopped by his room and left a note on the marker board to let Greg know his roommate had reappeared, and then she went downstairs. Josh arrived within a few minutes, and they were on their way to the hospital before it really soaked in that Danny could still be disconnected from reality.

  Cindy shifted in her seat to look at Josh. “Do you think he’s okay?”

  “It’s hard to say. He’s probably going to need some inpatient treatment to deal with whatever’s been going on since Saturday. At the very least, he’ll be in the hospital for twenty-four hours for a psychiatric evaluation. That’s mandatory in cases like this. How long he’s in the hospital after that depends on a lot of things.”

  “I just hope he knows where he is.”

  “Since he’s in the emergency room, I assume he does. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been caught.” He flashed her a sad smile. “The police might have seen him in the last couple of days, but without something drastic happening, they wouldn’t have been able to take him anywhere.”

  She nodded and looked out the windshield. Her thoughts whirled, going in sixty directions at once. She groaned and glanced at Josh again as she pulled out her cell phone. “I forgot to call Danny’s caseworker.”

  “Go ahead and do it now. The police might have notified him that Danny’s been found, but I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear it from you, too.”

  Alan sounded relieved that she was on her way to see Danny and talked to her a little about what she might find. It sounded like the information she’d read about post-traumatic stress disorder.

  She ended the call as Josh turned into the hospital parking lot. He pulled up in front of the doors to the emergency room and turned toward her. “Do you want me to go back with you to see Danny?”

  Cindy hesitated then shook her head. “His parents should be here soon, if they’re not here already. Very many people visiting him at once might be too much for him. It all depends on how he’s doing.”
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  “All right. I’ll be in the waiting room whenever you’re ready to go.”

  “Thanks, Josh.”

  She climbed out of the car and went inside. An infant wailed near the middle of the crowded waiting room, while the young mother attempted to calm it. The sharp scent of disinfectant stung Cindy’s nose as she headed for the desk, reminding her of her own recent trip there. When she let the receptionist know her name, she was immediately taken back. The nurse leading Cindy glanced at her as they stopped beside a closed door.

  “We’re monitoring him closely, so you don’t have to worry. If he shows signs of getting violent, we’ll have people in there immediately.”

  “Okay.” Cindy didn’t know whether to be comforted they were watching him so closely or disturbed they thought he’d become violent.

  The nurse ushered her into the room and left. Danny’s parents stood beside the gurney, but the figure lying on it captured her attention. She no longer had even a flicker of fear about what he might do. Danny looked like an empty shell, lying there with an IV hooked to his arm and staring toward the wall. The beginnings of a beard shadowed his face, and he still wore the same clothes she’d last seen him in.

  She took a step forward, and Linda turned toward her. “Thanks for coming, honey.”

  Danny shifted his vacant gaze to Cindy. A bit of life showed in the gray depths, and he lifted his head slightly. When he spoke, his voice was filled with such hope it made her heart ache. “Cindy?”

  She stepped to the gurney as his parents moved out of the way. “I’m here, Danny.”

  He reached for her hand, and she let him grasp it as her nose let her know he hadn’t showered since disappearing. She barely refrained from wrinkling her nose at the unpleasant odor. His knuckles were bruised and scraped, but that was the only visible injury. Thank You, Father.

  His eyes glistened as he looked at her. “I’m so sorry. They said I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I never want to hurt you. I couldn’t—”

  “It’s all right. I understand that it was an accident.” She pulled her hand out of his and laid it on his rough cheek. “I’m just glad to know where you are. You scared me, Danny, disappearing like that.”

  He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. “They’re going to transfer me to the psych ward at the VA.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” Cindy said softly.

  He looked up at her again, and she lowered her hand. The vulnerability in his eyes nearly broke her heart. “What did I do to you?”

  She reluctantly held up her plaster-encased wrist, dreading his reaction. “You were trying to keep me from getting shot by a sniper. When you shoved me down, I hit my wrist and broke it.”

  “Oh, God, help me!” His anguished words filled the room as he covered his face with his hands.

  She glanced at his parents, unsure of what to do and afraid of making the situation worse. Tom moved to the other side of the gurney and began to speak soothingly. Linda put an arm around Cindy’s shoulders and guided her to the door.

  “Cindy, I’m sorry! Don’t go!”

  At the sound of Danny’s desperate voice, both women looked back.

  His mother smiled. “It’s okay, Danny. We’re just going to go get a cup of coffee, and then we’ll be back. Talk to your father while we’re gone.”

  He remained focused on Cindy, and she wondered if he’d even heard his mother. She took Linda’s cue and smiled. “I’ll be back. Like your mom said, we’re just going to get a cup of coffee.”

  He nodded and leaned back against the gurney, though she could still feel his eyes on her as Linda led her into the hall. Once they’d moved away from the room, Danny’s mom wrapped Cindy in a hug.

  “I wish I could tell you that he’ll be okay, but he probably won’t. He’s always going to struggle with his time in the army.”

  “I know.” Cindy closed her eyes against the tears, hurting for Danny. “I just hate to see him suffer so much. He’s such a sweet guy. He doesn’t deserve this!”

  Linda stepped back and smoothed Cindy’s hair away from her face. “Unfortunately, he has to live with it, regardless of whether he deserves it. He endured too much. Once they regulate his medication again, he’ll be better, but there’s no guarantee he won’t have another break with reality like this. If you’re going to be in a relationship with him, you’ll have to accept that he will always have problems. Most likely, he’ll have to be hospitalized occasionally, though hopefully that will lessen with time. He may never be able to hold a job. I’m praying he’ll be able to finish college one day, but the stress of his classes may prevent him from completing.”

  “Is that what caused him to have such a bad flashback? Stress from midterms?”

  “It could be. He said he’s been feeling a lot of pressure lately in his classes.” Linda sighed and guided Cindy down the hall. “He doesn’t know where he’s been for the last two days or what he’s been doing. Some couple called the police when he tried to give them money. They thought he was speaking gibberish as he tried to get them to take his money. My guess is he was speaking Arabic. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done it during a flashback.”

  The more Cindy heard, the more her heart ached. “What happened to his hand?”

  “He came back to reality shortly before the police arrived. When he realized what had happened, he hit a mailbox in frustration.” Linda pushed open the door to the waiting room, and they stepped through. “The police found him sitting on the curb beside it, sobbing and talking about killing a child and not being able to help the parents. The best anyone can figure, he’s feeling guilty for a misdirected artillery shell.”

  The memory of the night he’d finally started telling her about his time in the army flashed through her mind. Cindy’s heart broke at the thought of him reliving that accidental shooting. A twinge of guilt sprang up. Had her pushing him into talking about the incident caused this? Father, comfort him. Heal him. “He meant what he said. I know what he’s talking about.”

  Linda stopped and stared at her. “Do you mean to tell me my son killed a child in the last two days?”

  “No, this happened in Iraq. He was cleared of all wrongdoing, but it still tears him apart if he thinks of it.”

  His mom’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve never heard anything even close to what you’re saying.”

  Before Cindy could figure out how to explain, Josh joined them. His worried gaze shifted between them.

  “How’s Danny?”

  “Severely depressed,” Linda said. “His hand might be broken, too, but we haven’t heard back on the x-rays yet.” She glanced at Cindy then returned her attention to Josh. “He’s also convinced he killed a child. Cindy says it happened in Iraq, but this is the first I’ve heard of it.”

  “Me, too, but he’s told her other stuff he won’t tell anyone else.” He turned to Cindy. “He actually killed a child?”

  She nodded, her eyes damp as she remembered comforting Danny after he told her about the incident. “He shot what he thought was a sniper. It turned out to be a ten or eleven-year-old boy with a stick. Both the army and the Iraqi government declared it an accident, and no one held him responsible, but he’s convinced he should have somehow known it was a child and not a sniper.”

  Linda studied her. “Do you know why he was trying to give those people money?”

  “He told me he tried to give the family of the boy some money to help them out, but no one would tell him where to find them. He ended up donating it to a charity for war orphans.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “If he’s been reliving that, it’s no wonder he’s so depressed now. I think his reaction to that incident is what finally got him discharged.”

  Josh looked away. “Kids are the worst kind of casualties. I can’t imagine what Danny’s going through.”

  Danny’s mom continued to stare at Cindy so long she began to wonder if Linda had gone into shock. Then tears slipped from the woman’s eyes and her face crumpled. “I had no idea
. So many things he’s said and done make sense now. But why didn’t he tell us?”

  Cindy gave her a hug, noting how quickly the roles could change in a situation like theirs. “He was probably afraid you’d never speak to him again if you knew. He didn’t tell me until I made him mad. Then he was afraid I’d hate him as much as he hates himself for it.”

  The door opened, and a concerned nurse stepped out. “Is one of you Cindy Waymire?”

  Fear coursed through her as she released Linda and nodded. “That’s me.”

  “Are you willing to come talk to Danny?” The nurse looked almost desperate. “He won’t let us splint his hand because he thinks he deserves the pain for hurting you. We can try to put him in restraints and sedate him, but we’re afraid of doing more damage to his hand when he fights us.”

  Cindy caught his mom watching her and remembered the warnings about the trouble Danny would probably have for the rest of his life. She had a feeling whatever she did now would decide her relationship with Danny forever. Did she have the strength to face him at his worst? Could she live with herself if she didn’t? The thought of ending her relationship with him was impossible. She loved him.

  She took a deep breath to calm her jangling nerves and turned to the nurse. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  Linda and Josh stayed in the waiting room as Cindy followed the nurse back. Tom stood in the hall outside Danny’s room when they arrived. She could hear Danny shouting inside and braced herself for the worst. Lord, if ever I needed Your guidance and wisdom, it’s now.

  Tom stopped her with a hand on her arm. “You don’t have to go in there. His mother and I will understand.”

  Hopefully, they’d be able to understand she had no choice but to go in. “I love Danny. I have to do what I can to help him.”

  Tom nodded and released her. When she stepped into the room, she found four people trying to calm Danny. He was backed in the corner, ordering them to leave him alone. Cindy stepped forward, focused on him as she prayed for the strength to help him.